Perception and Knowledge:
Reflections on Psychological and Spiritual Learning
in the Psychedelic Experience
Frances E. Vaughan
from: Psychedelic Reflections, Lester Grinspoon &
James B. Bakalar
©Human Sciences Press, 1983
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Little controlled research has been done with psychedelics. But
my own experience, coupled with my observation of hundreds of clients,
students, and acquaintances who have used LSD in both controlled and uncontrolled
settings, has convinced me that we have much to learn from appropriate
investigation of this powerful mind-altering chemical. The dearth of research
has not lessened the impact of psychedelic experiences on people's lives
and on the culture at large. Psychology in general has failed to keep pace
with personal explorations in altered states of consciousness, many of
them induced by LSD or similar psychedelic substances.
In the past decade, transpersonal psychology has emerged as
that branch of psychology specifically concerned with the study of human
consciousness. It attempts to expand the field of psychological inquiry
to include such human experiences as those induced by psychedelics, as
well as similar states attained through the practice of meditation or other
disciplines. As a transpersonal psychologist, I have been particularly
interested in the study of consciousness as it pertains to psychological
health and wellbeing. My clinical practice is devoted to facilitating human
growth and development, often on the border between psychological and spiritual
domains.
My personal introduction to LSD occurred under optimum conditions.
In his book, LSD Psychotherapy,(1) Dr. Stanislav Grof observes that normal
people benefit most when participating in a supervised psychedelic program,
and that the experience can move them in the direction of selfactualization.
My own experience supports this view. As a subject in early LSD research,
I was thoroughly screened and well prepared. I had also had an opportunity
to talk with other subjects who felt they had benefited. My first session
was a profound and overwhelming mystical experience. Subsequent sessions
seemed less important, but served as reminders of insights gained in the
initial one.
A most striking feature of my psychedelic experience was the
noetic quality of consciousness as it expanded from its usual perceptual
range to a vast contextual awareness that recognized the relativity of
all perception in space/time. I find the term re-cognize particularly appropriate,
since the knowledge that was suddenly revealed to me under LSD seemed to
be remembered rather than learned. I was awed by the vast range of consciousness,
yet felt that I was simply uncovering what I had always known, i.e. the
truth which had previously been hidden behind a veil of relative unconsciousness.
As the illusory, changeable nature of ordinary reality became increasingly
clear, I also realized how a normally constricted perceptual framework
permits one to see only a fraction of reality, inevitably distorted to
suit personal projections and presuppositions.
During the experience, I felt I understood what mystics throughout
the ages have claimed to be the universal truth of existence. I had an
academic background in philosophy and comparative religion, but I realized
that mystical teachings had now taken on an added dimension. My perception
seemed to have shifted from a flat, two-dimensional intellectual understanding
of the literature, to a three-dimensional sense of immersion in the mystical
reality.
The perennial philosophy and the esoteric teachings of all time
suddenly made sense. I understood why spiritual seekers were instructed
to look within, and the unconscious was revealed to be not just a useful
concept, but an infinite reservoir of creative potential. I felt I had
been afforded a glimpse into the nature of reality and the human potential
within that reality, together with a direct experience of being myself,
free of illusory identifications and constrictions of consciousness. My
understanding of mystical teachings, both Eastern and Western, Hindu, Buddhist,
Christian, and Sufi alike, took a quantum leap. I became aware of the transcendental
unity at the core of all the great religions, and understood for the first
time the meaning of ecstatic states.
I now felt I had had some direct experience of the ineffable
realms of union with God, and I discovered that my dissatisfaction with
conventional religion was not due to the death of God, as some theologians
proclaimed, but rather to the impoverished concepts of God currently in
vogue. Whether one spoke of God, the Void, or the Self, Being, Bliss, or
Consciousness, did not matter, for the words were so far removed from the
experience that they were only fingers pointing to the moon; they bore
little resemblance to the depth of realization that became available when
I let go of my preconceptions about the nature of the universe. As far
as I knew, such insights into the nature of consciousness had only been
attained by rare individuals, many of them advanced practitioners of spiritual
disciplines.
The world view that made most sense of this experience was clearly
a mystical one. Neither the subjective nor the objective pole of experience
could encompass the totality. The possibility of transcending boundaries
between self and other, the illusory nature of ego, the interdependence
of opposites, the relative nature of dualism and the resolution of paradox
in transcendence became clear. All mental content was simply the play or
the dance of life, and what could be known about consciousness became the
focus of my attention. Psychodynamic material that came into awareness
seemed irrelevant. My own personal drama was no more significant than light
playing on a movie screen. Even feelings of joy, ecstasy, and liberation
in letting go of attachments were less important than the insight and sense
of knowing, or remembering, inexpressible truth. "Know the truth, and the
truth shall make you free" were the words that seemed best to capture the
nature of my experience. I felt free to be exactly who I was, free of fear
and social constraints, and filled with love and compassion for all beings.
Although many of the insights that flooded my awareness were
forgotten, many remained to influence my life. I felt I could see how much
human suffering is self-imposed, how our beliefs shape our reality, and
what it means to awaken to the realization that life is a dream of our
own making. The dreamlike quality of existence, the unreality of past memories
and future fantasies, and the acceptance of the interrelatedness of all
things were insights subsequently confirmed as I learned more of the perennial
teachings of both Eastern and Western contemplative traditions.
I also gained a new appreciation for the Christian teaching
of forgiveness. I saw how our own condemnation injures us, and how our
difficulty in forgiving ourselves for imagined imperfections contributes
to neurotic guilt and anxiety. Not only did I feel forgiven for being just
as I was, I saw that in reality there was nothing to forgive. This seemed
to remove the obstacles to the experience of love and I felt an extension
of love and forgiveness to all beings everywhere.
The subjective nature of time also became starkly apparent.
My Newtonian world view was sufficiently shaken to make it relatively easy
for me to accept some of the more apparently nonsensical propositions of
the new subatomic physics, when they later came to my attention. Likewise,
parapsychological phenomena no longer seemed incomprehensible. The fact
that we could not explain part of our human experience in the existing
paradigm seemed to indicate that the paradigm needed re-examination rather
than to justify dismissal of the evidence.
For the first time, I understood the meaning of "ineffable."
There seemed to be no possibility of conveying in words the subjective
truth of my experience. A veil had been lifted from my inner vision, and
I felt able to see, not just images or forms, but the nature of truth itself.
The doors of perception were so cleansed, they seemed to vanish altogether,
and there was only infinite being. Krishnamurti's characterization of truth
as a pathless land seemed an appropriate description of this domain.
I felt that I had now experienced the grace of God. Truly I
had been given a gift of infinite worth. I could understand why human beings
throughout history have relentlessly pursued truth and sought enlightenment.
I knew now why some felt impelled to sit in caves for years trying to become
enlightened, why some were willing to die for ideals, and why suffering
was endured. If asceticism was perceived as a means of attaining this state
of oneness, I could understand why a person might choose it. I understood
that the essence of my being was identical with the timeless essence of
every living thing, that formlessness was the essence of form, that the
whole universe was reflected in every psyche, and that my separateness
was only an illusion, a dream from which I had, in this moment, fully awakened.
As I faced old fears and watched the tricks of my mind, I became
increasingly aware of my ability to choose my subjective state. Consciousness
seemed infinitely plastic. I could choose to focus the lens of attention
on anything. Barriers and resistances had dissolved, and fears had disappeared
along with them. In that moment I knew that I had nothing to fear. Only
the creations of my own mind and my own thoughtforms could threaten me,
and I could see them as if in a lucid dream, parading through the field
of awareness. I was free to either attend to them or let them pass, choosing
instead to experience more fully the bliss of pure being, just being present
to my experience of the moment, with no added fantasy or distraction.
The affective tone of my experience was pure love. After the
barriers dissolved, I could feel the depth of my love for life itself,
and for my husband and children. They seemed perfect just as they were,
yet I did not need them and therefore felt no fear or possessiveness. Life
itself was enough. I too, was complete and acceptable just as I was. Old
feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty had vanished.
My aesthetic sensibilities were profoundly enhanced, not only
during the few hours of the session, but afterwards as well. This effect
has lasted over a period of 15 years. My appreciation of music, art, nature,
and human beings has continued to grow since that time. I remember being
particularly struck by the joy of hearing music as I never had heard it
before. I could laugh at my old self-image, which included "not being musical.
" I was deeply moved by each piece of music that was played. As I listened
without distraction, each one evoked a different aspect of my psyche, and
at the center of each was the perfect still point of pure being where one
could experience union with God.
I gained a new appreciation of my own capacity for choice and
the role of consciousness in creating experience. For the first time I
saw the possibility of taking responsibility for my own experience. I also
felt I was truly participating fully in the universal human condition.
All of my experience, including the experience of separateness and aloneness,
was something I had in common with all human beings. Although my personal
history and the events of my life were unique, the underlying unity of
life became starkly evident. The forms of expression and experience were
diverse, but the underlying qualities of being were universal.
I also felt a reduction in nonspecific anxiety, and a greatly
diminished fear of death. As the illusory nature of many of my worries
and fears became apparent, I became more trusting and accepting of myself,
and more willing to enter into unfamiliar situations and take risks in
exploring new creative endeavors. As I was released from feelings of neurotic
guilt and inadequacy, my increased ability to relax also contributed to
enhanced sexual enjoyment. My appreciation of life itself and of the simple
tasks of everyday living was also profoundly enhanced. I found myself more
open in my intimate relationships, and better able to give and receive
love without fear.
I also became aware of a desire to be of service in the world,
to make some contribution to humanity through my work. At the same time
I felt more able to tolerate paradox and ambiguity. The recognition of
the interdependence of opposites has since become a useful therapeutic
tool in my practice; I often think of psychological growth as a balance
and synthesis of opposites. In working with others to heal internal splits
and conflicts, enabling them to take increasing responsibility for their
own lives and wellbeing, I have had many opportunities to appreciate the
importance of this capacity.
The effects of this experience seemed to me equivalent to what
I might have expected from several years of insight therapy. I had been
able to see through and let go of many constricting patterns of thought
and behavior that previously seemed automatic and beyond conscious control.
Some of the far-reaching effects appeared immediately in my personal life.
For several months after this experience I remained in a semi-euphoric
state in which I experienced being in love all the time. Everything in
my life seemed to be exactly as it was supposed to be. Everything was all
right. None of the small things I used to get upset about seemed to matter
any more. I was experiencing a state of inner peace and serenity that allowed
me to cope more effectively with everything I needed to do, while I felt
in touch with a sense of divinity within.
This period of my life coincided with what seemed to be a time
of new hope for humankind. The flower children in San Francisco were happily
rebelling against the old order, and a better future seemed within reach.
A sense of euphoria was in the air; the more sordid side of psychedelia
became apparent only as time went by. My interest in understanding the
experience led me to graduate school to study psychology, but I soon found
that Western psychological models could not accommodate it. Yet I knew
I was not unique. Many other people were reporting similar experiences.
Eastern consciousness disciplines seemed to offer the best maps of this
inner world, and they also offered instruction for attaining such states
without the use of chemicals. Now I could hear, as if for the first time,
the depth of the wisdom in their teachings and in the mystical doctrines
of all ages and all cultures. As I sought for words to express my own ineffable
experience I gained a new appreciation for those individuals who had attempted
to communicate their own insights in writing or art. I also became interested
in understanding intuitive ways of knowing; many years later I wrote a
book about the development of intuition, entitled Awakening Intuition.(2)
My intellect was eager to incorporate what I had learned into
working psychological models. I saw a need to formulate new psychological
theories that could encompass such experiences. Among Western psychologists,
only Carl Jung had addressed transpersonal experiences. He wrote, "...
The fact is that the approach to the numinous is the real therapy and inasmuch
as you attain to the numinous experience you are released from the curse
of pathology."(3) That was apparently true of my experience, but it later
became clear that a psychedelic experience in and of itself was not necessarily
therapeutic. The popularity of psychedelics increased greatly, but few
of their users achieved the therapeutic benefits I had experienced.
In his extensive research on LSD psychotherapy, Stanislav Grof
noted that transpersonal experiences occur only rarely in early sessions
of psychedelic therapy, but are quite common in advanced sessions. (1,4)
Grof has provided a detailed map of the death/rebirth experience which
he found to be therapeutic for many of his subjects. The experience of
ego-death may be liberating and ecstatic, as it was for me, but it may
also be terrifying to a person who is unprepared. However, under appropriate,
carefully controlled conditions, a subject may be enabled to surmount the
difficulties encountered in letting go of limiting self-identifications.
Phenomenologically, personal accounts of drug-induced mystical
experiences may be indistinguishable from spontaneously occurring mystical
experiences. In either case, the effects may or may not last. The glimpse
of a larger reality that such experience affords may change a person's
life if he or she chooses to integrate it. If, however, the experience
is repressed, denied, or invalidated, it may only contribute to exacerbating
existential guilt and anxiety. When a person is not able to stabilize such
glimpses into transcendent reality and incorporate them into existing belief
systems, they can certainly disrupt the ordinary adjustment of everyday
life.
Transpersonal psychology (5,6,7) has attempted to formulate
a conceptual framework for such experiences, since they obviously are not
going to go away. Although psychedelics have been restricted, the public
continues to experiment, and research continues to lag far behind. Moreover,
the striking parallels between such experiences and those described by
mystics raise many questions for mental health professionals. In the transpersonal
domain, where psychological and spiritual growth are one, psychedelics
appear to be powerful tools for the investigation of consciousness; they
could enable us to expand our understanding of the human mind and the nature
of creative consciousness. A willingness to question our assumptions and
to keep an open mind with respect to potential benefits and potential hazards
is essential.
For the past 10 years I have been practicing transpersonal psychotherapy
and training therapists to work in this area. The lack of serious study
in the field of psychedelic drugs has unfortunately restricted their use
to uncontrolled personal experimentation. The dearth of research is clearly
a drawback when therapists are so often called upon to handle situations
where clients have been involved in uncontrolled experimentation. Although
many people in our culture have taken psychedelics, few therapists are
capable of assessing, evaluating, and integrating psychedelic experiences
in a useful way. Psychedelics, like any powerful tool, may be used skillfully
for the benefit of humanity, or unskillfully to the detriment of those
whose ignorance leads to abuse.
As we search for ways of understanding the possibly infinite
resources of human consciousness, I suggest that the potential of psychedelics
as tools for learning should not be ignored. Today, when the survival of
our planet is at stake, there is an urgent need to work responsibly in
every facet of human endeavor. By refusing to tread where fools rushed
in, we may be turning away from significant learning about human experience
and how the mind works. People of differing views and persuasions must
join together in exploration of the universals of psychological health
and wellbeing and work to find ways of facilitating experiences that foster
growth toward wholeness for everyone.
REFERENCES
1. Grof, S. LSD Psychotherapy. Pomona, CA: Hunter House, 1980.
2. Vaughan, F. Awakening Intuition. New York: Doubleday, 1979.
3. Jung, C.G. G. Adler (Ed.). Letters. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 1973.
4. Grof, S. Realms of the Human Unconscious. New York: Viking, 1975.
5. Walsh, R., & Vaughan, F. (Eds.). Beyond Ego: Transpenonal Dimensions in Psychology. Los Angeles: J.P. Tarcher, 1980.
6. Wilber, K. Spectrum of Consciousness. Wheaton, IL: Theosophical Publishing House, 1977.
7. Wilber, K. The Atman Project. A Transpersonal View of Human Development.
Wheaton, IL: Theosophical Publishing House, 1980.
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On loan from: The Psychedelic Library
Psychedelics and Personal Growth